emily dawn

riding my bike is the only source
of purpose
of safety
of felicity

but pushing pedals won't
pay the bills
save the lost or
service the king

i'm glad i went with my gut.
because now i'm out.
i'm out i'm out i'm out. i feel good.
and i feel brave enough to call the shots, if necessary.

dear friend,
i don't want you to go away. i want you around.
you make me happy and you cheer me up (most of the time you don't realize i'm down).
i'm confused and upset with your recent behavior, but i am trying to be patient.
i just don't want to lose you.
love,
emily

8 Things I did yesterday:
1. ate a waffle
2. ate a slice of mango
3. scored a new owl at a thrift store
4. scored a new dress at a thrift store
5. held an orange kitten
6. wore a pink sweater/shirt
7. took a snooze in the car
8. helped someone on the crossword (four-letter word for A Sharp key: Bflat!)

8 Things I’m Looking Forward To:
1. trying yoga again this summer--i'm determined to use it to better my posture [this time around]
2. possible roadtrip to Canada with Ashbear
3. finding a place for my new owl
4. etsy purchase coming in the mail!
5. summer reading
6. mastering bradly the road-bike
7. dare i say jury duty?
8. learning how to speak French again

8 Things I Wish I could do:
1. camp more often
2. play piano without using sheet music
3. run for a long time
4. read and finish the Lord of the Rings books (anyone want to read them aloud to me?)
5. make up my mind quickly
6. budget my money well
7. be more adventurous
8. be brave enough to ride the bike everywhere

8 Things I am Wanting to Work on/am Working on:
1. exercising
2. replying letters sooner/quicker
3. drinking more water
4. being assertive
5. being decisive
6. finding new music
7. no more ice cream
8. cooking

The Last 8 movies I've Seen:
1. Garden State
2. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
3. Sister Act II
4. Never Been Kissed (once was enough.. but three times? geez...)
5. Star Trek
6. Lars and the Real Girl
7. The Birds
8. Aladdin

8 Shows I Watch:
I really don't watch much television, but I'lI watch these shows if they're on:
1. the office
2. gilmore girls
3. project: runway
4. jepoardy
5. new scandinavian cooking
6. austin city limits
7. it's always sunny in philadelphia
8. rick steves' europe

Curly hair, blue eyes, maroon tee.
Red bow, small frame, cuffed jeans.

March nights, soft skin, warm breaths.
Addled thoughts, lonely sighs, broken hearts.

You pulled me in closer, and now I'm confused.
Neither of us need complication; we both deserve simplicity.
Let's talk things through again--please don't avoid me.

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. emily dawn
2. emiline
3. amelia

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. picking cockleburs in fields
2. filing papers
3. library duties

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. country with parents
2. city in a house with relatives
3. city in apartment with five others girls; third floor

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. rick steves' europe
2. the office
3. project runway, when i find it, which isn't often

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. portland, oregon
2. missoula, montana
3. yellowstone park, wymoing

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. the rest of europe
2. redwood forest in california
3. alaska sounds neat

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. bread; all kinds
2. apples
3. i'm starting to really like potatoes

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. summer weather
2. death cab for cutie concert
3. finishing color photography

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. tigger the kitten
2. oreo the dog (it was a family pet, though)
3. ally the cat

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/ ARTISTS
(no such thing for me! how about I just list three albums I've been listening to a lot lately)
1. flashlights by so many dynamos
2. the photo album by death cab for cutie
3. say hello (EP) by rosie thomas

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. water
2. milk
3. chai tea

THREE THINGS YOU SAY A LOT
1. "I don't know"
2. ridiculous
3. that's cool

THREE FAVORITES WORDS
1. perhaps
2. haphazardly
3. beau

THREE HABITS YOU HAVE
1. brushing my bangs to the side with my hand
2. eating ice
3. poor posture

THREE ACTIVITIES YOU LOVE TO DO
1. riding bikes
2. taking naps
3. playing scrabble

THREE FAVORITE SOUNDS
1. my brother jesse's voice when he reads aloud
2. wind
3. a friendly, sincere hello

One of my favorite birthday gifts rests in the back flap of my pocket moleskine.
It's really just the representation of the gift, but when it falls out sometimes, it's almost like an old friend.

Y'know the scene in Amelie when she falls to the floor as a splash of water?
Yeah, that's how I felt today.
But then the old birthday gift in the moleskine scooped me up and whispered of a better day.

Apparently it's spring break, starting today; I hadn't even realized.
I hope I'll be able to rest.
I'm concerned I'm not getting enough rest.
People don't seem to believe me when I say I sleep a lot, not because I want to, but because I find myself needing extra sleep.
and when I don't, I find myself falling to floor as a splash of water a lot.

I have a childish idea in my head that if the cold weather goes away,
so will my loneliness. I hate Indian winters.

What's worse than being lonely?
Being abandoned.



Jesus wants me to be brave.
He doesn't want me to run away.

Monday after my math class, I tuned the radio to NPR.
The familiar voice of Garrison Keillor told me about whose birthdays it was on that day.
The one that struck my interest was Sylvia Plath. He told a little bit about her.
Then he gave another name and information and then he read a poem.
The poem reached my ears and passed through my brain and went down my throat and stopped at my heart.
It was soothed, it was inspired, it was alive. My heart is alive. My heart is alive. My heart is alive.
I am in love and Jesus has led me to bravery.

I want to draw today, and make my way into some thrift stores.
Eventually, I want to find some new shoes--same song second verse.

en ce moment:
My hair is a tangle of curls
and my nightgown is blue.
My skin has sheet marks
and my knees have the
itch to ride a bike.

I woke up to rain tickling my face this morning.
My friend and I slept on her deck last night.
Before soaking in the night-time air, we watched The Nanny Diaries.
I thought it was a really cute film, and I especially liked the main character's clothing style.

Yesterday:
waking up at noon
job interview
receiving a dictionary as a graduation gift (score!)
playing a Ratatouille game on my sister's Nintendo DS
Eating at Applebee's with school friends

Today:
waking at ten-thirty
listening to Twin Sister (they're songs based off of Star Wars...)
reading through an idioms dictionary I found on the web
hanging out with a friend later
stumbling across the Shakespearian sonnet I wrote for my English class this year.
-Beyond the poor attempt at iambic pentameter, it's a somewhat decent poem.

I graduate in two and a half hours.
I've tried on three dresses twenty different times--
Then I realized no matter what I wear I'm still going to look horribly goofy beneath that red gown.

The kid I'm walking with and I have decided to piggy-back it.
It's going to be epic.


---

you know, I really wish I could skip this whole deal.

I wish I was brave.
I look at the the sun and the mountains and I listen to my heartbeat and they inspire me to be brave.

I keep looking at objects and thinking how lonely they must feel--trees, the human heart, feet, end tables..
---
My teacher tells me I need confidence.
I think she'd like to understand.

My first photography class at the college was tonight.
I'm glad Tearsa and I are taking it together.

We have a four day weekend, which gives me plenty of time to write my Beowulf essay--due tuesday.
I know the topic, I just don't know how to start.


Christmas wish-list:
north face backpack
Wreck This Jouranl and The Guerilla Art Kit by Keri Smith
headphones
bicycle basket

My favorite jeans aren't what they used to be..

I like the way scarves feel around my neck. I like when my sister's house is cold, because then we share a blanket on the couch.
There is something about the next two seasons, autumn and winter, that make me feel bold and infinite.
cliche? yes; originality is lost.

 A
AP Government
AP English
Calculus
Drawing

 B
Library Science
Chemistry
Music Fundamentals
Communications 101